Hi, I'm Mary Carrasco, a senior vice president with Grenzebach Glier and Associates. And I'm here today with my friend and colleague, Jim McKee, also a senior vice president. Hi, Jim. Very happy to be here. Thank you. We are really looking forward to talking with you about changing your fundraising mindset because we've both been through the process of changing our mindset and it made a big impact on our work. Would you agree, Jim? Definitely. I think this is really important topic and I hope it's useful to our listeners. Right. Well, let's dive right in and talk about the art of asking strategic questions and the reason why I have enjoyed talking about this topic so much is because it helped me realize that I can change the kind of relationship that my school has with our donors from the very beginning of meeting with them to talk about gift proposals. If I was more curious and ask more questions. I really involve them much more authentically and creatively in the process of getting towards a gift proposal. And it changed the whole tenor of the relationship from being transactional to being more authentic and transformative. I had to work at it. It wasn't completely natural for me to. I'm the kind of person who likes to share a lot of information, and I had to work hard at learning to be curious and asking the questions that were going to be productive and useful and getting towards a gift proposal. So I thought if we could talk about that today, we could help other gift officers. Was that your experience, too, Jim? Yes, actually, for me, it started even before I was in development, but I found when I entered the field of development that things I had learned proved to be very useful in this field about asking other people for their advice and asking questions of them. And it started for me when I left the field of teaching and became a banker. And I realized that I had a lot to learn and that the people that I worked with were going to be crucial to helping me learn things and be productive in a new role in a new field. And what I observed was that they were very interested in being helpful and that they even enjoyed giving advice and helping me learn and others learn. And that that formed a basis for even deeper conversations. Later on, when I entered the field of development, I did not know very much about philanthropy. And so it was sort of an obvious thing to apply that approach to conversations with donors and potential donors. And I learned most of what I know about philanthropy came from these kinds of conversations with with donors and prospective donors. And again, what I observed is they were getting something out of the conversation that they were enjoying, that they were feeling good about and giving advice and providing useful information to me. And that was all interesting. But then even going further, realizing that I was learning things that would be helpful in developing gift proposals for these individuals or couples. And so it was even further than what I'd experienced in other settings, and it became sort of a basis for the way I conducted myself in the way I helped other team members in their work with donors. So I think asking strategic questions is central to very strong development work. And I think I hear you saying to that having as a goal that the people we're meeting with will be active participants, not just recipients. Yes, that's true. That's definitely true. Mary. Yeah. So I, I shared that desire to have more active conversations and not just pitch something and not just share everything that I wanted to tell prospective donors about what the school's current priorities are or projects that I thought they'd be interested in. But I had to really learn how to be more curious because I was oriented towards kind of being an expert or or having the information that needed to be transmitted. So I had to think carefully about what does it mean to be curious? Because when I first started practicing that, I found myself going down, going off on tangents that were interesting but not productive. And so I had to think carefully about what was the kind of curiosity that this work required. And these four things really helped me because it kept it kept reminding me that I couldn't get lost in my curiosity. I still had to have an active mind that wasn't just passively involved in the conversation. I had to know what it is that I wanted to learn in the conversation. I used to go into a meeting with three things I wanted to share to tell someone about, and instead I changed that to what were the three pieces of information I needed to learn. So I really went into the meeting with three questions, and that kept my mind active instead of passive, and it made me very observant of new ideas. I didn't try to project what those responses would be, and so that opened up new possibilities. And I think that also made the conversation more creative. And we'll talk some more about that in a little while, but that I wasn't the source of all of the opportunity that the person I'm talking with could really provide insight and new possibilities for gifts and for the organization. I was representing everything that just makes me think in a very simple way. What this slide promotes is this will help you be productive and this will help you be more satisfied in your work. And so I think that it's there are many winners in an approach like this, and hopefully the person you're meeting with will find it more satisfying to add one another meeting, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. That's a goal as well. Well, there is a certain amount there is a lot of uncertainty in this approach, and we're not always comfortable when things are uncertain. Yeah, I found that to be true, Mary. And I think most of us do. And so that that ends up guiding our behavior and what we're proposing here, as you do everything in your power to try to break yourself of any behavior like that. And the reason is that, again, it ends up being so much more productive for you and for the donor, so much more satisfying. We all know that at the beginning is when we're the most uncomfortable, when we're trying to meet someone for the first time or get an initial meeting and just in terms of sharing an example or two, I found that the old be I'm new. I'd like to ask for your help approach is often very productive and successful and so saying something like I'm still very new to the organization, I'm trying to learn as much as I can. You're an important supporter. I'd like to have the chance to talk with you. So do we have 45 minutes to do that? I'm open Monday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon. What do either of those work for you? And, you know, you can be new for two or three or four years, because for some of these people, they don't interact with you or others at the organization every other day or whatever. So just don't be fearful of using the I am new. And then I think another thing that can be used is using a referral kind of language, like your classmate Mary Jones told me about you and she said you were likely to be interested in this at our institution and that is another door opener that can be very helpful. So you have to get out of the A zone where you're uncomfortable and it does. I think then when you're successful at that, it's helpful, but it's in the conversations where you're taking risks, where you especially feel alive and excited about the possibilities. In my experience and what you can do by asking questions, asking follow up questions. As you can start to get a sense of a person's values or a couple's values, what they care about, you can understand what motivates them, What have they done at other institutions. That helps give you a sense of both capacity and interest and motivation there. And even what are some potential roadblocks that you may have to figure out a way around before you get to a gift conversation? Mary, what are some of the questions you like to ask when you're in these conversations? When I was beginning to practice curiosity, something that I knew I needed to do, but frankly was scared to do because I had never done it before, was this idea of seeking surprise to ask questions that might surprise me with their answers because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able capable of managing that response or whatever surprising response I would get. And I think for me, this this quote about being feeling alive when things aren't certain relates to this idea of seeking surprise. So questions I would ask when I was practicing being curious were maybe not so obvious to me before, but I would ask questions such as we've recently shared the strategic plan with our community. I'd love to talk with you about it and find out if anything resonates with you, but also find out what's missing. What did we not include? I would ask questions such as, okay, can you tell me about the stewardship of your gift and what we could do better, or what? What is it that you are wishing you had the opportunity to know more about or experience that you're not able to currently do? Questions that might lead to a thought that the donor wasn't necessarily in the forefront of their agenda to talk with me about, but like kind of going deeper and asking more questions really got them more active, involved. And you were showing your willingness to be vulnerable and to admit areas where you could improve. And so what's common in all those things that you just mentioned is that you were open to their help and that is a benefit of having these two way conversations as opposed to the sharing of information. Right. And that I wouldn't be afraid of managing whatever they would respond with. Right. Right. That I could seek surprise comfortably because I was actually seeking that I was looking for it. I knew that that was something I wanted to get. So when I then became more comfortable with this idea, curiosity and seeking surprise, I also had to ask myself what will be the questions that will be most productive? What will help me develop the gift proposal that most likely to be accept it? And I realized it wasn't just one question, right? I've heard you talk about the magic words before. There aren't there really are magic words that are going to get someone to say Yes. But I think it's the development of this active creative partnership that you get a lot of little yeses along the way so that by the time you actually are presenting a proposal or asking for a specific gift amount, the natural response is a yes. So I started to try and find questions that would provide information about gift purpose. And one of my favorite questions to ask is to say, if we set aside the a dollar amount for your gift, what would be the gift you would like to make that would what would you like to accomplish? What would be if you could imagine making the greatest gift possible to our school or for this program? What is it that you would love to accomplish? And by doing that, we I could learn more about their deepest desires and I could learn more about what they what they care about philanthropically and how I could match the school's priorities to their philanthropic goals. And then I would be able to match amounts. So let's say what they let's say they wanted to endow a chair in honor of their mother or father who had been a teacher. That's often a deep desire of people to honor their parents, particularly if their parents have been teachers. Well, if if the required gift amount for an Dowling, a chair was so great that this individual donor would never be able to accomplish that, at least I could try and find something that supported faculty and would allow them to connect with that deep desire at our school and honor their mother or father with a gift for faculty. And then I can also ask about what are the gifts that they've made to other organizations that have been particularly meaningful to them. Because I'll often find out something about gift amount in that conversation. I if I know that someone, let's use that same example has endowed a chair at another organization. I basically know the required gift amount for that type of endowment to be created. So now I know they have experience at that level of giving. And I think often the question that has been most helpful to me is the questions about timing and what has to happen first. So finding the way to ask for you to consider a gift for this project or our school, what is the right timing and what has to happen first to begin discussing a gift with you that's so useful because they'll tell you. They'll tell you personally what has to happen for their own financial circumstances often. But they'll also tell you something that has to happen at the school. Well, you have to start teaching Latin again or whatever it is that is on their mind. And I may not be able to effect change so that we can start teaching Latin again. But I know now where the obstacles are, where the hurdles are, and I can start to address those much more intentionally. Marianne I was just reminded of when you were talking about this that many of these questions are sort of when we get further along in the conversations with people and in the earlier conversations, we're thinking of ways that give us some of the clues about these things that help us have those future conversations more effectively. But I think that the concept that you're putting forth here is partnership, and that their partnership can only happen when you're talking back and forth about what a potential gift might happen, might make happen to you or institution. So I think that's very positive, right. And and to be good partners, you have to listen for sure. Yeah. And I think that I mean, this is, again, in this session, we're talking about some practical things. We're hoping you might pick up and apply to your work. This has to be one of the key things, which is are you listening or waiting to speak? We've all been in that place where we want to get some certain information across and if we're out there thinking about that, we're not hearing what our donors are saying. And that can be helpful to us in guiding next questions and next steps. So this is a central part of what we're talking about here, which is you must be focused on listening and hearing what your donors are sharing with you and in the moment, sometimes making a judgment about where do you go next with that information? And we would emphasize the importance of follow up questions. Follow up questions are what allow you to let them do the majority of speaking, not you. And so a follow up question like that is so interesting. Can you tell me more about that or I'm not sure I understand that completely. Can you explain it some more to me? I'd like to know more about that or even the old. That's interesting. And then you don't say anything else and you have a little bit of a pause. Usually a conversational partner will fill in that pause and they'll keep going. So anyway, you get the point that it is very important to listen and we would just advise you not to be worried about being intrusive or asking too much because again, we're confident that you can read the clues. They will sometimes directly tell you, Well, I'd rather not share something about that or you'll get the sense from their body language that they don't want to go further in that subject. That's okay. It's sort of the it's the unspoken part of having permission to take our next step. You're getting the signs that you they don't want to go there. So you sit back and you shift the conversation in a way that makes you both more comfortable. And that's okay. But I think Mary and I both advise that you can listen, you can respond in the moment, you can adjust your approach to next steps, but you have to be thinking about the next step. And that is the the goal of a meeting is to always close with the next step and a next step that you're controlling, not just. That was an interesting conversation. I'm looking forward to the next one. So we advise you to think about making sure that the outcome of your listening is a proposed next step would you agree, Mary? Yes. And when you were describing that process, it made me think about the gift officer who has several meetings a day and the amount of work that's required to do that, not only in preparation but in the meeting. And when you're listening and actively listening, sometimes it can be tempting just to say all the things you want to say because you have three more meetings after this one or so. This does this does require your intention. And what what you also described, I think, is what this slide relates to, which is this is a very active partnership that you're signaling in this meeting through this conversation with this prospective donor. And they might not expect that I've met with prospective donors who resist it. Right? They they are accustomed to a transaction or meeting. You're here to ask me for money. I know how much I want to give. Let's just get to it. Right. And they may not be prepared for this kind of conversation. So I, I try to in my experience, I try to prepare to the people I'm meeting with, even in setting up the meeting that I usually if the purpose of the meeting is not to ask for a gift, then I will tell them. So in this meeting, I'm not going to ask you to consider a gift. I'd like to have a conversation with you about what your priorities are right now and tell you about the goals, priorities, or whatever kind of purpose you have established for getting that meeting and start broadly then in the conversation and make sure it is a conversation they they are probably accustomed to. If they have made regular gifts to your organization or other organizations to not really having an active conversation, but to having someone come and kind of pitch why they should make a gift. So it may take a couple questions to get them to really engage actively in a conversation. But I think if we can create those active conversations, what we're doing is we are creating movement and options. And so there are a couple of things here that I keep in mind. One, this word create. I believe that people support that which they help to create. So I want to give the opportunity for active creativity in a gift. So I think of this process as very similar to dancing with someone that you're going to create movement, you're going to suggest a certain direction, and maybe they'll they'll come along with you to a point and then they're going to pivot to a different direction or they're going to pivot to go farther with that conversation than you might have thought in advance. I also think it's important to give options so that prospective donors are active in this conversation that will lead to a gift proposal so that they can you might ask, I hear you saying this is a priority for you. Would XP would faculty support be an area you would like to support, pursue, or is student support more important to you? Giving them options so that they can feel much more active and then digging deeper, asking them to help you discover together what what matches their deepest desire with the school's needs. So digging deeper might be something like, you know, the example I had about the prospective donor who wanted the school to continue teaching Latin. So let's dig deeper into that. Tell me about why that's important to you. Tell me, is it the is it the language that is so important or is it classics or is it a discipline of learning? Tell me more about that. They may not have ever considered what is so important to them about that. But let's dig deeper. And I think that empowers our prospective donors. It empowers our donors who are already partners to to hear from us that we think of them as being very actively engaged. So those are those are the important pillars, I think, for having these kind of conversations that are more productive and will lead towards better gift proposals. Yeah, Mary, that's just what I was going to say, is that don't you think that when you approach your work in this way with these kinds of guiding principles that your aiming toward the best gift the donor can give, you're not just trying to check a box of we've solicited another person. And so that should be our goal is trying to where we can seek the best gift from a donor and these principles help us in following the right steps that help us in that journey. In my opinion, yes. And keeping keeping in mind also, as you've said, that we want to at the end of each meeting, have a yes to the next step. So summarize what we've learned and what the next steps might be. So you get permission to go to the next step. Yeah, right. Well, Jim, as always, I love talking with you about curiosity and listening, and I just love that we could have this conversation together. Likewise. Marianne, doesn't it remind us that we're so fortunate to be working in this field where we get to work with wonderful people who want to do important things for organizations they care about? We get to be the partners if we will take the right steps and approach it with the right attitude. And we hope that all of our listeners will have those enjoyable experiences as well. Exactly. And if you want to reach out to either of us, here are our email addresses. Thanks very much to everyone listening. And thank you, Jim.

fundraising mindset

strategic questions

curiosity

authentic partnerships

active listening

follow-up questions

active partnerships